这篇日志是从25号开始写的，这么早就准备着，就是担心一但过了31号，总结不出来，07年就白活了。

      那么，从哪里开始呢？

      首先，07年头我去了北京，很勇敢。尽管住宿是一个网友提供的，认识他其实没有一个月，那么我就觉得自己更勇敢了。在这里透露一个秘密：其实我去北京借同学的钱，到11月才还完。啊，我还有个更恐怖的秘密：其实我想过了年再去旅游。

      今年我发现自己更加不喜欢做好学生。首先，我当然要先怪责自己不用功；其次，我认为，这学校身处深圳这个城市里竟敢文质彬彬豪言壮语地来告诉我们本校贯彻封闭式教育也太污辱那帮身处山区的学子们了吧。但在另一方面，我并没有放弃读书的高贵品德，我还想学点什么。年终总结好象真的只有总结年终，前些发生了什么事情我十分准时的忘记了。已经想不起来我的生日怎么过的，也搞不清楚我暑假干了点什么。唯一可以知道的是我的两个银行帐户都是空的，我完全放弃了存钱这个想法，没有工作的人，钱是越存越穷的。每个月都花光的日子倒是过得挺充实。继续想着，脑海才蹦出考雅思的经历：花了1千多块，上了一个应试班，那里的老师完全当整雅思的都是白痴，于是我糊里糊涂的考了个6分。其实考过的人都知道这分数没什么特别，我也觉得挺惭愧的，因为有天我跟班里的同学聊了一下，她说她要去加拿大的某间大学，必须考个7.5分。我听了心里轻轻的抖了一下，于是后来哪个企图恭喜我的亲戚朋友们都被我谦虚的拒绝了。直到后来中介的小姐赞我考得好，听得我心头冒出一万个拍马屁的理由之时，她才说，像你这种的，没读过高中，英语又是自学，第一次就考到6分是很不错的了。从此我欣然接受这个美丽的事实，但从此我的成绩就没有人再提起了。

      我估量着该写写我身边的人发生的事。发现除了勾心斗角失恋丢手机之外再也没有什么特别的了，我想这些在每个人身边都有大同小异的案例。

S同学是个思想幼稚的感情专家，思想幼稚是因为她家有钱，从小就给宠着；感情专家是因为她身边总有两三个追求者，于是琢磨多了就知道棋子怎么走了。然而总有人讨厌她，说她自私，清高，等等等等。但我不能讨厌她：前段时间，要是没有了她的开导，我估计还是个比头牛还倔的傻瓜。

K同学还在他的爱情里苦苦挣扎着，他心思还很敏感，很多不以为然的事情在他的眼里都是新鲜的幻想，然而单方面的幻想只能造成对现实的悲哀，他也十分苦恼，十分沮丧，一触即碎的，像我前段时间一样。但我也猜到了他在努力着。

Q同学追求过我，那时糊里糊涂地答应了，之所以说糊里糊涂，因为我第二天就开始后悔。显然我的心态比正常人的都老，她的开朗与无知——那些在别人眼很淘气可爱的特质——都让我很不习惯。想不到我的第一次谈恋爱就这么有头无尾的结束了。这让我更加觉得跟同学们谈恋爱是件很不切实际的事情。

还有一件比较特殊的，是我哥哥今年结婚了。他现在在英国生活着，怎么样的生活我并不知道。反正我俩的关系就这样，三五年后见个面，或者等家里发生什么大事了，我们才再次走到一起——没有值得期盼的。我们前两天通了电话，让我记下他的地址——因为我们的父亲不懂英文。信号很差，什么都听不清楚，他想问问我的情况怎么样，少给我来这套，我应付了一下，记下地址，挂了。

最后我感觉到了长辈们都在老。我祝愿公公婆婆都健康一点，舒服一点安享晚年。同时希望母亲顺利的自信的度过中年危机。

   添  

07年。

I love Jude, I love Natalie, and Norah's voice is very attractive. This movie has already had a good comment from me before I watch it. And I watched it at Monday night, I felt the result could possibably go extreme, Sabrina said it's somewhat boring, I said - you know what I would say. After reading those comments on imdb.com, I figured out people who love this movie would long for a love (or jouney) like that, but people who don't like, it seems to me that,  are hollywood-addicted. At the end, the movie didn't leave me much to think, but admittedly I found myself too much fake british accent!

      我想beauty beyond words的意思是指“难以用言语形容的美丽”，那么love beyond words应该是指“难以用言语形容的爱”。今天是我妈的生日，这天刚好也是冬至，所以我想母亲永远没有借口说哪年的生日不隆重其事的度过。

      我觉得呢，爱是要以行动证明的，但是我现在好象还证明不了，那没办法啊，母亲就等着呗。我总觉得她能等到的。没别的，我一定要让自己觉得她能等到的，她就得等。我也知道母亲为了我出国的事忙得焦头烂额，有时候忍不住了就埋怨两句，说我怎么好死不死死到那间学校。我总是说，妈妈，命里有时终——须——有——啊，风水轮流转，总有一天要来别的。有时候我妈就烦了就叨两句，她知道叨多了我也烦。关于那件事，我帮不上什么忙，也不知道她在忙什么。有时候我急了就问两句，我知道问多了她更烦。

      总结起来，我跟我妈都很高兴的生活着。很多人都无法理解我们以黑色幽默沟通。例如我说，

老嘢，仲唔煮早餐，作反啊。

吃屎得啦使咩吃早餐。

      这就是我跟母亲的沟通方式，是挺值得羡慕的。盼是盼我自己能够争争气，走走运，而母亲呢，就好好的活着，高高兴兴地活着。

OH MY GOD, OH-MY-GOD.

This is so brilliant, utterly brilliant. The initial reason I watched this movie was because it is Irish made. After I watched I felt totally satisfied and comforted, perhaps it has been related to my personal issue lately, I wondered. The actor repeatedly reminded me Damien Rice, it's so touching. However I think the title has already given us the end, that should be the only flaw I've found out. And I'd not take this as an "sad romantic film" because it gave me a feeling like "once you have had it, you have no regret of what's going next." Read the comments from imdb.com for <once>.

How lucky I am can watch this movie!

这部影片是讲19世纪一个才华横溢的英国议员在废除黑人奴隶制度的过程中的艰辛。很沮丧，我一句话就把整条故事线概括完了，但事实上并非如此，在现今世界上仍然有2千7百万黑人生活在奴隶世界里。我觉得一部作为好电影的条件就是可以把影片里表达的概念延伸到生活中，而不是哈哈大笑，或者嚎啕大哭。Amazing Grace是我本年度的最佳电影，虽然我觉得主角胃痛那一场有点太夸张，半死不活地给我来这一套。

Amazing Grace is giving us a story of how a british parliament member made his effort on the abolition of slave trade. In my opinion, it shall be the best movie I've seen in this year, however I think the "suffering from stomach-ache" part was a bit over. As a matter of fact, we still have 27,000,000 slaves suffering in the world, get more information on National Underground Railroad Freedom Center.

wow.

My Blueberry Nights will be in cinema on 22th Dec. This will be my first time to see Jude on the cinema,  I'm so excited.

      千万不要误会，我没有要长篇大论的意思。关于全球气温变化的消息，不用媒体报道，我们自己也感受到了不一样的冬天，确切地说，应该是越来越热的冬天。我们总觉得节约能源，保护环境是迫在眉睫的事情，但事实上，我们又不能说去超市坚决不用塑料袋或者去吃饭坚决不用一次性筷子。那怎么办呢？没有人知道。

      据我的理解这次会议拒绝妥协的都是发达国家，按照我的理解，他们以一种压迫的方式来单一的提高自己的经济实力而像亚洲南美的发展中国家只能通过再生资源来获取长远的发展规划，然而面对发达国家绝对的优势和霸权我们长远的规划只是徒增崎岖。所以报纸说的逼迫美国签署什么什么条约就变的很重要——这就是本次回忆的重点，其实这次在印尼开的会目的就是把各国家结合起来，商讨这件事什么时候摆上桌面搞，言下之意就是现在摆不可能。当然也不可能用逼的，这些东西都逼不来。听说2020年前还会来一次动真格的，大家就继续耐心等吧，少用点一次性筷子和胶袋吧，好不好？

Perhaps you wonder why there're so many mainland tourists would go to hongkong without any reasons which surprise you? I say if there's a new toliet available in the park when we all like to try. Mainland tourists don't mean to destroy their image, you can laugh at us but don't hate us, I'm pretty sure you don't really want to, just like most people hate Paris Hilton but on the other hand they dream to have a lover in that society with that bank account.

got it? Anyway I wish I can hate chinese-hit-the-world-tourist but I don't really want to.

<-so so many fellows. Took me two hours to pass through!

<- I cannot be able to control my hair today...so don't get me wrong, but if you do want to get some wrong, my address's on the right.

Cousin Bear and new friend Matthew. The night view could be better if there's less people.

      想必，每个生活在大院的人都有一棵长在窗外却被完全忽略的大树。而那棵大树总要在被狂风吹倒之后，或者自己明天将永远离开那个大院，咱们才会装模作样地写一篇纪念大树陪伴自己忽悠十几年甚至几十年的大树。

题目应该是这样：我家窗外的白兰树。

而内容大致上也应该是这样：啊，白兰树，你挺拔的身姿，总在明媚的阳光里散发出你愉悦的芬芳，告知我们秋天即将到来。曾经，我们的欢笑在的茂盛的透影下散播；是你，让我依稀记得那年仲夏，父亲把我举在你最粗的枝头上，然后松手，嘿嘿地看着我大哭。

然而，今天母亲告诉我，我们家后面的那棵白玉兰死了。隔了一阵子，我才说，她熟悉的人都走了，估计她也没有活下去的力量。究竟她是不是真的死了，我没有想要跑去考证的企图。估计也是凶多吉少，因为要是白兰树没死的话，没有人会知道她曾经活着的。

结尾大致上就一句话：噢！白兰树，你将永远在的心中！

Not chatter if it make you feel that way I am. Those things which have been lately happened are something I want to take it seriously. Jim must think I'm being dramatic childish again, whatever. Something is just standing there terrifying me and I don't want to be brokedown that easy. Bring, it, on!

Couple hours off and on with Sabrina last night, I did feel a huge relief, no need to copy & paste the theory of communicating, talk is the essential for everyone, I feel very lucky that I always have friends there when I needed. Especially when Sabrina was paying the phone bill, ha. I now think I can face this easier. Seems to me it's actually quick to hold my mind back after I lost it.

I love the wrong guy, one sentence can summarize the whole situation. But he's not like hurt me, to me I think it's just happened in a wrong time. So brokeback mountain! Sabrina said she's actually glad that I'm having this issue because everyone has to, it's just a matter of time, I have the biggest advantage of all - youth, so the earlier the better. She also said I got to learn from every detail, otherwise I'd be wasting my time. Sadly I said, I'm just hoping to take care of him, really really, he is the kind I truly want to cover. And she replied -

I know you could, but you are not that important to him.

But...(sobbing) I want him so much!

Ai ya, don't take the beginning as the end of it. You have plenty to go, Timmy.

I still don't think this feeling is just temporary.

Maybe it's not, but IT WILL GO.

What can I do now?

Do what you want, to make yourself happy.

I'm very happy with him.

But is he with you now?

...

Then light-off time, I somewhat wanted to cry harder and leave everything behind on that night. But I couldn't be able to, so my heart is somehow weakening when realising he's not here, and feeling somewhat lost when I every day I wake up.

Keep on talking I suppose?

When reading someone's old messages became a must-do of every day, what things could be possibly worse. In fact, I believe all of you had been to this situation, like sinking in a place of despair, "wake up!" - even I told myself all along, it hardly work. I thought, that looking his pictures, smelling the fragrance he uses, could fill my blank, but in the name of "drama queen", I'm that easy to please. Waking up without him, like drinking from an empty cup. Hence, the day become much, much longer.  But I got to be strong! Otherwise people would think I am just a sensitive kid, who ignore my mother's effort - I don't want to see that happen. Try to sleep again, because that is the moment I have nothing in mind. Hope to sleep longer, till a new day come in, due to today has already ruined.

Oh my dear, I wish I can tell him like "I've been thinking about you all day, how sad is that." But I'm scared, I'm terrified that he would leave me again - he is not a low "standard"! he's just like a little baby when walking, and such careless behavior - I've never chased for a perfect one, instead, I only want a real one. But I will never have him, that is what I'm getting to realise, I'm...I'm terrified I couldn't find a man like him again, I'm sure you felt that way before, phew.

Yet he's far, so far that I couldn't catch, what can I do? Can I be rude? Can I be selfish? No, to love one, is willing to sacrifice everything to watch he smile. That is not dramatic, whoever tries to disapprove in that they unfortunately haven't found one.

As a consequence, I started thinking to leave the city, leaving the place where he is, that far enough to offer me a new environment. How lonely it could be? I don't know, I think I'm lonely enough.  At the end, I should bring back my title: every human being had been in depressed, so do I; they desire for happiness, so should I. People are always busy for themselves, not complaining, fair enough. I merely want to talk. Now I'm feeling hell lot better.

I liked <HOUSE> because he's cute, got a great sense of humor, and brilliant. But then I got bored, due to the fact that story line always goes like: the man bacome a patient → appear a lot of symptoms which come from different illness → different tests on the patient → keep failing → when it goes to 30 mins → almost die → but House accidently light up an idea → healed.

Boring.

Hoow-e-ver...the new season of <House M.D.> is going interesting.  Although the patient line still goes the same, House does have a few jokes that I want to learn.

I used to think Sabrina was one of the dumpest girl I have ever meet, I was wrong. She just gave me a complete psychologic counseling, including my love issue, study program and even life plan. Yes, she's that good.

Dear Tim,

Remeber, when you think Australia is the only option you probably will fail. Think wider, will not do you harm.

Dear J.H.,

After Sabrina explained I found misbehavior of myself, bacause I was a bit over expectation, let's just say, I crossed the line. You're probably feeling bad again but I'm sure you're ok. I truly love to spend some more time with you, otherwise my english skill would retrograde. If it please you I can speak chinese all along, you only need some push.

sincerely,

Tim

Have you ever been in the emotion of cry but you have no tears?

Have you ever thought cry-it-out is probably a good way to let it go?

Have you ever wanted to do something really what you want?

Have you ever hurt anyone when you did it?

Have you ever feel helpless when you tried to show your love?

Have you ever feel speechless besides saying 'I love you'?

Well if you do, you are such a queen.

After a few chinese stuff that deliberately has been written here in the past few weeks, I felt it was enough to show my patriotism, moreover it was enough to see how few my page was clicked. And I'm thinking to write more till the lousy poem has left this page.

Unfortunately I don't really have a solution, getting exposed is not impossible but I am not hollywood-addicted. perhaps I should go back to the way I'm used to write, I actually had fun with functioning smart & professional english words.

Last week my mother could finally squeeze some time for counselling about my education. Even I'm already get over it, mother still embarrassedly reminded me the problem of tuition fee, "son, we could only afford about 10 thousand a year." "It's ok, mom, let's ignore this one."

Last Thursday one of my roomate was drunk and when the light's off I heard the sound of puke. OH-MY-GOD. When someone turned on the light, surprise! he's still on the bed. When those guys were still "shit, you puked!" I couldn't stand but got off my bed and actually helped him clean up his sheet. Disgusting. Although I thought it's funny because I could see what he had eaten on his face. I gave him one of my pillows before he made second round of puke. How lovely the night was. Anyways, that was something to remember, when I'm going to leave this school.

      只要那天下午在饭堂吃饭，我就会打电话给我的朋友Susan。她的话很少，所以我只能一边咀嚼一边找出让她接下去的话题。有次我问她，为什么我的blog越来越少人来了？她回答说，我上次去看都没有更新。我想了想，真的。除了读后感和寥寥几句的影评，我的日志确实没有令人看下去的欲望。

      但事实上，我的近况确实也没有很吸引人的地方。自从我拿到了雅思成绩，心思就埋醉在出国的幻想中，于是乎学校的一切在我眼中都不是东西。当然，除了一些能够持续的友谊之外。而上个星期，母亲也开始腾出时间陪我去各个中介耐心地搜集学校资料。当英语这个项目成了必须，我突然忘记的自己的特长，痛苦的还有母亲，她因此还要继续陪我去找学校资料，而且还苦口婆心又略带为难的告诉我，千万不能挑贵的学校。（在你们对我说出“认真学习的人去哪间学校都行”这类名言之前，请先去我校待个5年再说）

      明天我会去一趟广州中介。

That is where I learn history, yes. And I suppose this movie was the breaking point of Cate Blanchett's career? In the 'extra' part one actor had mentioned that Robert was the only one who really loved the Elizabeth however the truth might be not. Despite of that, it's definitely worth to see even I had been interrupted...twice.