I've been very lazy and miserable since school's off. First my mom lost her job, there are three T-shirts left which I can still wear one of them with comfortable feeling. Second, I threw my practice books away and stared at the monitor all day long, even my exam is comming on September. Third, I found myself loving someone more then I knew, who I can & I should never be with.

 

From above those are the three reasons what put me into a trash bin. Now it's time, to get myself back in this shiny world!

 

One of them - no matter how this undoing affect me, all I can do is putting it behind me, still , it's there. Anyway, I'm telling you people, I'm so tired of being miserable!

 

Coming in these weeks, I'll prepare PETS(public english test system)level 4. After that, I'm going to join a traning course and test my qualification by IELTS in October!

 

IT's alright, I don't have much money as usual. That's the way I support my family, including cook and clean. Meanwhile mother is starting another career, she's woman!

 

OH LIFE!

      小环她6月28号生日，今天是7月26号，没到出门的一刻前我都忘记了放在鞋柜下面的已经包好的礼物。拿起来，发现表面已经积了薄薄的一层灰，这反而令我更喜欢，因为我特地找了张3月份的略有发黄的旧报纸作包装。那是一个不甚精致的小木柜，我又一次的被网站上完美的图片所蒙蔽。

     下午去了唱K，带着一副有人请客的心情杀去K房，发现只是我熊姐想唱并企图带着帮傻子去而已，ANYWAY，我姐弟俩还真MIC霸。下次唱歌必点蔡琴的《被遗忘的时光》。

     然后我们去了马来爸爸吃饭，吃好多，隔壁桌都傻眼了。经过我客观分析是因为每次我们去了新的餐厅，恨不得把餐牌上没吃过的都点下来，所以每次都撑得半死回家。

      报告完毕。

    

      我跟一个朋友无数次的抱怨说，我很烦。但我也无数次的就次打住，因为我并不愿意把我心中的烦恼倾吐。这一点我也告诉了我的朋友，我说，如果我把烦恼告诉你，你除了安慰我之外，还能做什么。她点头同意，我不知道我这样一说会不会伤害到了她，但其实我心中的烦恼，都是由一些很浅显的事情造成的，我自己有能力解决，而由于我多虑懦弱的毛病让我始终却步不前。我不想让这些低级的烦恼使我的朋友感受到我的无能为力，这只是得不偿失。

     有些事情，自己一个人烦就好了，何必把不愉快的因素强加在别人身上。朋友欢喜地应约出门，那么我也应该拿起高兴的态度去面对他们。可怜我的母亲，因为我一回到家就开始不耐烦，恰恰母亲是为此才关心我几句而已。

---

 

     昨天去看了MEXIMILIAN HECKER的LIVE，在将近迟到的时候才发现自己迷路了，最终满身大汗的赶到现场，才明白出门前喷多点香水的苍天安排的。我挤到了一个角落里头，看见身旁站着两个动作亲昵的男人，正因为这一点，我鼓起勇气跟他们聊起来。这是我第一次来到深圳的PUB，而且是一个人来。他们很惊讶我这么勇敢，我说没办法，找不到人陪我。九点多SHOW正式开始，当时的我已经毫无矜持的融入气氛当中，而且我一直很纳闷为什么只有我一个人在蹦蹦跳跳，我身后包了卡座一直也跟我一样在纳闷，那白痴明明已经是全场最高的还在跳什么。

     两首歌热场之后，HECKER问，Anyone from HongKong? 出乎意料，站在前台和角落卡座的一大帮人突然轰隆地叫起来，YYYYah! 估计场上有近一半的人都来自香港，我恨不得自己也能伪装成香港歌迷，跳如他们的人群之中，一起随着节奏摇动，而不是看着前方一个个黑乎乎波澜不惊又高举相机的人头。

     不知道在第几首歌结束以后，突然听到有个人大喊，You are sweet! 我突然接着喊，Yah! 哎，暴露身份了。在我身边有几个全场最热情的中国人，一直而且只是并且每次都歇斯底里的尖叫，一次竟然还把我耳朵喊得嗡嗡的叫。而香港歌迷是喊，I LOVE YOU！Ich lieber dich!

     最后我问个问题，HECKER问大家，Anyone need towel too? 如果我喊，Give me yours! 会引起什么结果？

My life is boring

My love is poor.
I saw my wallet.
nothing at all.
I sit in front of computer,
I watch Shephard & Grey.
And I hate that no sleep on bed,
'Cause I've got no man.

I'm miserable, life's terrible,

I'm telling you, it's true.
I do same things in different days
even time to me is cruel

But I still sing like a fool.

我要做一个猛男。因为我已经意识到自己的脸蛋不能让我跻身帅气的行列。

即使我脸上的印痕一夜消去，我还是不能成为一名人见人爱的帅哥。

但是，帅，真的很重要。我尝试着客观地看待这个恶心的、自恋的、难以启齿的问题。

如果我把胸部撑大3公分，腰部还结实一点，那我就是一名标准的模特。

当然还要把头砍掉，或者拍照时把头扭向猛烈到刺眼的阳光中。

我真的考虑过这么做，因为这行业真他妈好赚钱！

而事实上我还不一定有资格做，毕竟脸蛋还是视线首先注意的地方。

那么，我就更加要成为一个猛男了。

因为没有人会喜欢又没样子又没身材的疯子。

是不是我太害怕未来，所以我选择沉醉于过去？

是不是我太担心可能，所以我放弃了所有？

是不是我渴望拥有，所以摈弃了一切？

到底是不是我？

所以是怎样？

 

I'll be 19 when August coming. Decisions, which are obligatory to make what can influence my whole life, it's curtain-opening time, when I step back and sadly became totally coward. I should be damned.

 

 

Read my VisualDNA™     Get your own VisualDNA™

Hi mate, you know who you are.

 

You just told me what you've been through these last several months and, surprisingly, I wasn't having a good evening either, otherwise, I would be really impatient with you. Lucky to admit, we both were having our period. After saying good night to you, I still had your words in my mind. In case I forgot the whole thing tomorrow morning, I noted them down. Even so, I couldn't help but get out of my bed, open my computer, calmly write down here, I know you will see this soon.

 

So I was told, during the past 20 years, you can even count the happy moment which you had been. That's really surprised to me, men are selfish, I was immediately counting mine while replying you. See, I'm so brilliant, I couldn't get the number, IT JUST TOO MANY. Dear, let me ask you something that I believe I remember: a) Did you feel happy when you went to HongKong with me in March?  b) Did you feel happy when your father sent you an excellent camera in June, just by one sentence you've mentioned?

 

If the answers are negative, you were such a liar.

If the answers are positive, even uncertainly positive, you might want to sit down in front of my blog, and decide which words you've told me are the words you really mean them. Oh mate, you just had TWO happy things in past four months. Hey! I enjoyed going to hongkong too but I didn't get any cameras!

 

At last, does life just give you coincidence, or do you just give your life disregard?

 

yours sincerely,

Tim